I've been thinking of the story of Peter Pan. Everything seems perfect and so desperately picturesque. A world where children would stay children and there was no one to destroy what they had; no one would take their childlike hearts and their happiness and their innocence. They were lost boys, but together were they really lost? But, even with an island containing only things in their fantasies, it went wrong. Peter Pan was wrong - the one who was supposed to be their leader. It seems that when things weren't going his way, he wasn't the carefree, gentle, innocent little boy the lost boys had thought he was. Where did their whimsical paradise take them?
Sometimes I fear that in my search to not grow up and my search to grow up at the same time, I'm going to be so focused on my two conflicting tasks that the memories and lessons will pass me by. Every time I try to slow down and rediscover items such as my imagination, all of these horrible, horrible things try to creep in like grammar and bills and life.
I hung out with Jordan, Brian and Rickie last night. It's always strange hanging out with people you don't see as often and the differences between them and your group of best friends. While I love Brian and Jordan dearly, it is most definitely different. Whenever those awkward inbetween conversation topics silences confront us, it's actually an awkward silence. I can guarantee you those either don't occur, or they don't matter when it is me and all the people that I see the most. It's strange when discussing what to do, you're not sure if these other people will approve or if they'll think something is silly and it actually matters. I am hanging out with them again tonight, though, because I think it's time for me to look outside of my theater cave for friends. I know the whole theater cave term is a big joke and all, but it's sad when you really look around and it's true. I don't want to confine my high school experiences to one room, nor do I want to confine them to one group of people. I used to be so proud of the fact that during 9th and 10th grade all of my friends were very different from one another. Now all of my friends are theater kids. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." Well, I think that's good advice, especially considering how much drama really does happen in theater. And when problems erupt, everyone just lingers and wallows in all of this horrible muck that's surrounding everyone. I know that can't be healthy.
I think I'm going to see Juno this afternoon with Chris and I am quite excited. Maybe that will let me forget about my head for a while.